Thinking About Divorce?

If you are serious about filing for divorce, seek advice from a competent divorce expert lawyer. Below are the five things you should think about before making a final decision:

1. Reality.
What is the first thing people think about when deciding to file for divorce? Revenge. The wife may think that she should be entitled to the house because of her husband's cheating, etc. She may also believe that it will be a "slam dunk" when it comes to awarding custody of any minor children and that she'll be entitled to the bulk of the assets. He cheated and acted like a horse's ass, so I'm going to take him to the cleaners. Whoa! Hold on! Unless you live in a community property state, that's not going to happen. In Illinois (current Illinois Dissolution of Marriage and Family Law Act) we are an "equitable distribution State", which means an equitable distribution of assets plus liabilities.

2. The Real Expenses.
Along with filling a petition for Dissolution of Marriage, you'll also be including in the filing an Affidavit of Monthly Income & Expenses. Both the petitioner and respondent file one. To be completely accurate, gather up all your bank statements and paycheck stubs for the past year. That should give you a heads up as to what your income and liabilities will be.

3. Don't use Your Minor Children as Pawns.
Folks, I can't stress this enough. Don't talk about your soon-to-be ex (husband or wife) in an ill manner, no matter how angry you may be with your estranged spouse. After all "that bitch" or "that bastard" is the mother or father of your minor children. Don't be tempted to turn a child against the estranged spouse. This has serious consequences which can backfire on the parent that is trying to turn the minor child against the other. You could also find yourself in court facing a "Parental Alienation Syndrome" charge. Nothing is worse than having a minor child being served with a Subpeona to court and testify against their mother or father.

4. Emotional Attachment to a Certain Asset.
OK, the wife has said over and over again, she can't live in any other house except the marital home, which is her dream house. It doesn't matter whether or not she can afford to live in it, this is her house and she's not going to let it go. Don't let this type of thinking get in the way of reality. Yes, it is hard to leave your family home, however, everyone must be practical and penny wise.

5. Yes, Virginia, Your Life Will Change.
This is one of my pet peeves with many family law attorneys. They simply do not tell their clients that are in the process of a divorce that they will not live as well as they did when they were married to their spouse. Your lifestyle WILL CHANGE. Both former spouses will have to go to work, whether they have ever worked outside the family home. Yes, if you have minor children, the non-custodial parent will have to pay a certain percentage of his/her's net income for support of the minor children. The non-custodial parent will also have to carry the minor children on his/her health insurance and name the children as beneficiaries to any life insurance policy they have in force. Yes, a former spouse can be awarded spousal maintenance (formerly known as alimony) for a certain period of time. After that, you're going to be on your own.

(C) 2009, Ellen R. Day, New Century Legal Center, a Legal Services & Investigations Office. All Rights Reserved.